S1E8 - Introvert Misconceptions
In this episode, I talk about the common introvert misconceptions. It’s very similar to the pet peeves episodes, but with some other topics as well. Also, I try to be more informational instead of just ranting most of the episode. Hope you enjoy it. If you like what you hear, please follow me on social media. Let me know what you think and what you would like to hear in future episodes. Resources:
Some parts of the transcript may be edited for better readability, but the content remains the same. Mostly removed duplicate words, vocal filler words, and added/removed some words for clarification. Added text are in fuchsia.
Hey, everyone! This is Meliza and I'm the Talkative Introvert.
Okay, so I bought a new mic and this wasn't like meant for podcasting or, you know, it's, it's an actual mic. It's not my gaming headset. And so I can hear myself talk. And this is so weird, because I started off with my gaming headset and you can't hear yourself talk. But as a podcaster, that's why you you see podcasters in like pod- like talk show hosts, they have their headphones on, so that they can hear themselves talk at the same time.
So does it sound better? Does it sound any different from my last one, like, let me know. This is so weird. I am getting used to my voice though, because I've been doing soundbites. And I have to listen to my voice over and over again to get, you know, that clip. So it is getting... I'm getting used to it. It was really weird at first, but now just whatever. That's my voice, I can do anything about it.
Anyway, so I bought a new mic. I treated myself. I recently just paid off my college school loans, and I just paid off my LASIK eye surgery. So I did... I got LASIK eye surgery as a gift to myself for getting this promotion because I landed a job after college, and then I got this promotion. And I was like, you know, I'm gonna go do it. Because I've always wanted to do it and I hate my glasses, and I hate wearing glasses. And I've lost my glasses before, I've broken my glasses before. And I'm just blind and it sucks. So I was like, I'm gonna get LASIK eye surgery.
And at the time, it was a great idea - and I'm not saying that I regret it, because I don't regret at all. I love that I got it - but it was definitely pricey and it it stacked on top of my monthly bills. And I don't know why I did it at the time, because I definitely was not in a position to be collecting more credit debt. But now it's paid off. My school loans are paid off. And I decided to treat myself to a new microphone for this podcast. And hopefully it sounds good.
Another thing did you notice? I have an intro song. It's not my husband's and it's not created by anyone I know personally, which is my goal. But it's still a cute, little bubbly techno-y song that I really wanted. That's the kind of the vibe I wanted. And I actually shared it with my brother and he might make me something so who knows, maybe my intro song will change later. And then I don't know if my husband's gonna make me one. I'm not gonna force him to if he wants to do he can do it. So maybe, someday, in the future, he'll make me one.
So now, you guys... You guys! I have listeners, I'm not just talking to anyone. When I say you guys, it actually means something this time. I'm not just pretending there's a invisible listener. And that just hit me yesterday. People. Are. Listening. And I know some of them are friends. Thanks, fam. And family. So, but I found out that there's actually other listeners, and the reason why I know that - So if you don't know anything about podcasting, you have to upload your episodes to podcasting hosts and then they'll go and submit it to the different venues like Spotify, Apple, Google. I am hosted by Buzzsprout. And they give you stats. - The stats. It's like very specific, like they'll go into detail of whether it's an iPhone, download an Android download, a computer, you know, which one did they use it, they use Spotify, Apple, Google, and then it goes down to also like where it gets downloaded. Like specifically by the city.
And so when I look at the stats, there's some cities where like, "Okay, well my mom was there. My friend lives there." So like, I know they're specific people I already talk to. And I know like some are my friends and family. But then I found a few cities I've never even heard of before. And so it just hit me that there's like strangers listening now. Like, people I don't actually know. So hello. So this is like really weird. I was talking to my friend the other day I was like I'm so nervous now because now I know there's an actual listener. It's not just friends and family who I talk to normally anyways. So thanks for the listen. There's like these, there's people, in SoCal listening to me, and it's not just like a one off. They listened to all of my episodes that are out right now. So I don't know who you are. But thank you for the listen. And that's, that's still. I don't even. I don't even have words for it, because it's so weird, like people are listening. Like I guess my podcast is interesting so far. So thanks. I just thought it'd be interesting to me.
I just reached 25 downloads too. Buzzsprout, they'll email you when you hit a milestone. So that's awesome. I'm getting there. I guess people are listening. They're interested. And then also right before I started this recording, like literally right before, like, I woke up, and I saw - I checked my emails in the morning - and a brand reached out to me, I won't say what brand yet, because I want to look into it first, but some fitness brand. And I've never heard of it before, but I check their Instagrams, their Instagram page, and they have a huge following and I looked at their site and it looks like it seems legit. And that's awesome. It's crazy, because I'm like, you really want me to, to promote your products? Like I don't even have that many... Like I just started, like, I don't have any... I don't have that many listeners. So I wonder like, what's their algorithm?
Anyways, so that, like, I was taken back, I was like, Wow, really? Like already? That's insane. But at the same time, like, I don't want to promote anything, I wouldn't use myself. And so it's this fitness brand and they sell like pre workout and different supplements. And I guess protein shakes and like different athletic wear. So I'm going to check it out first see if they're like actually legit, and then determine if it's something that I would actually buy for myself. And then yeah, because I'm not like, like I said, this is my hobby. I'm not doing it for the money. If money does come rolling in, that's awesome. And if I could do this full time, that's awesome. So it's really awesome that like, someone actually reached out to me and wants me to promote their brand. But I want to def- I want it to be something that I would definitely want my listeners to, to buy. So, yeah. Oh my god, it's only been like a couple weeks now. Sorry. It's crazy. It's just so crazy to me. I mean, it's not a lot of listeners, obviously. But it's more than I was expecting, because especially since I'm not like promoting it, you know? People are just finding me naturally. I mean, I do tag my photos and stuff, but I didn't think it would actually reach people. (Is it weird that listening back to how excited I was, low-key cringes me out? LOL!)
So other than that, I was talking to my brother and he said - well, I wasn't actually talking to him. He commented on my Facebook page - and he was saying that I should upload my podcast to YouTube. Because I always talk about in my episodes, like, you know, follow me on Instagram and Facebook. I always say let's start a conversation., but it's hard to do that if you're listening on Spotify, or you know any of the other, you know, Apple and Google, because you can't actually comment on anything. But if I upload to YouTube, there's a comment section and we can start a conversation there. So I don't know, I will figure that out. I already have a YouTube channel. I just haven't uploaded anything, because I haven't figured that out. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it, but made it just in case because they want to take the name before someone stole it. I don't know if you can have YouTube channels with the same name, but I'm assuming you can't. So I will figure that out. Maybe I'll just upload it just to upload it and then see, see how that is. I don't even know how to make a video. So I still need to figure that out. (I figured it out. I use Headliner in case you were curious.)
Also with people now listening and my download counts going up. Like it's kind of scary, because I don't want to... Like I do want this to be big enough so I can make money so I can continue doing this but at the same time, I don't want it to be too big. Because my when my brother was saying like to upload YouTube, upload my episodes to YouTube. And that like opens up a whole new channel of people being able to comment and it's just any person can comment. I mean anyone can reach out on my Instagram or Facebook, obviously but I feel like YouTube, people are more inclined to to comment, and it's just kind of scary, because I know like, famous, you hear famous people talk about how, like the comments can really get to their psyche, you know, like, especially if they're really negative comments. And I don't, I don't know if I'm, like prepared for that. I know I shouldn't let it get to my head, and I shouldn't let people like bring me down, especially because I really love doing this. But at the same time, like you can't help it when someone says something bad about you. And the internet can be a really hostile place, like people say to mean things. And you know, they wouldn't say that in real life. But like, because they're protected behind this screen, people, like are more confident about saying something nasty, and I don't know. But I don't talk about anything controversial, so I'm hoping it'll be fine, you know. So anyways, that segues to today's episode.
All right, so today, I want to talk about introvert misconceptions. This is really similar, actually, to the pet peeves episode. But if you listen to Episode Four, I talked about not being super informational, and basically just ranting. So hopefully I do a little better in this episode. And yeah, okay. So I made a list of misconceptions from several articles. I'll link all those in the description if you want to read them. And yeah, so I'll just go through each one. Alright, let's get to the first one.
Introverts are Weird
So the first one is, introverts are weird. This is weird, itself. Like, what does that mean? That introverts are weird, like, what's normal? So when I read this, it makes me think, "So are you trying to say that extroverts are normal, and that's why introverts are weird?" Then one of the articles states that half the population identifies as introverts, and you know those numbers - I don't know how they got those numbers to begin with - but those numbers may be skewed as well. And they may not be accurate, because there actually could be more people who are introverts, but they don't say they're introverts, or they act more extroverted because those are the more favorable traits. So in reality, no, introverts are not weird, we're actually pretty common and pretty, like, the average person is probably an introvert, or has introvert tendencies.
Introverts are Shy
All right, next one, introverts are shy. So this is the misconception that quietness equates to shyness, which is not true, they're two totally different traits. Someone can be quiet, but still outgoing, you know? Like a person can may not initiate the conversation, but once they're approached, they can be very, like engaged in the conversation. For me, I'm not super shy, especially like in the workplace. Like, for example, I'm quiet, but once I engage and talk to my coworkers, like, I'm not shy at all, and I'm confident in the way I speak, and I very much enjoy talking to my coworkers. The part that makes me an introvert, though, is how tiring that can be to socialize too much with my coworkers. So though I enjoy talking to them, and I'm not shy, and when people come up to me like I fully engage in the conversation, too much of that will make me tired, and that's the introvert part. So not necessarily shy. They may be quiet, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're shy.
Introverts are Rude
Alright, this next one, introverts are rude. If you're restrained introvert, you might resonate with this one a little more. So if you haven't listened to my introvert types episode, there's an introvert type that is titled restrained. So restrained people typically are not open right away, they typically need to get to know a person first before they open up. And so, these types of introverts specifically, or more commonly, I guess, people think they're, they're being rude because they're, they're quiet, they're reserved, you know, restrained, and that can be perceived as rude. So I don't really resonate with this one too much. I don't get that. Like I never been told really that I've been rude. But I've also worked in customer service for a very long time. So I think I just, I developed that trait to be nice to people and respectful and also my upbringing and all that. I have, though, had someone once tell me when she first met me that she thought I was a bitch, because she didn't think I was a really, I looked like a really nice person. But it wasn't until later that she realized I actually am a nice person. And honestly, that, I don't know. I don't know if that's my introvertness, but it might be mistaken for my RBF that I'm rude, because I naturally just look serious. Plus. Yeah, like, again, I'm quiet so I didn't talk to her, she engaged me first. So that could be why people think introverts are rude. And honestly, that's a perfect example of don't judge a book by its cover. So just get to know the person.
Introverts are Un-Emotional
All right. So this next one, introverts are un-emotional. So I've actually gotten this a lot. And I don't know, like, do people think we're robots? Like, I'm not Data from Star Trek. We're still human. Of course, we have emotions. And I believe it's just because we may not show it as much as people would like us to show it. Like for me, specifically, like I'm not easily excitable, like, I don't squeal, like when something, I don't know, exciting happens. So we don't like elaborate on our emotions and I think that's why people think we're on emotional. (I found out that I can be "un-emotional", because I'm an INTJ. Who would've thunk?) And you know, one article states it very nicely: Introverts prefer to control their emotions around others, and internalize them. And I think that's just a perfect way to describe it. So it's not that we're un-emotional, it's just, we just don't show it like the way, I guess, people want us to show it. But the feelings are there. They're real. We're still human, I promise.
Introverts are Angry or Depressed, because of Their Need to Recharge
All right. Next one. Introverts are angry or depressed, because they need to recharge. So in case you forgot what that means, so introverts need to socially recharge, because too much stimulation, too much socializing is very tiring, and they need to step back from the social event, and recharge, so that they can be ready for the next one. And so, too much stimulation, and social activity, like I said, very exhausting. Very, very exhausting. So recharging is very, very, very much needed. I can't express that enough. If you listen to all previous episodes, I cannot express that enough. You know, I go into detail about that, in my 'What's it like to be introvert and extrovert family' of like how much we need to recharge. So it doesn't mean we're angry. We're not depressed. Honestly, we're just tired, like our social meter has reached its capacity. We need to, like wind down and just relax and just, you know, be in our space for a while, so that we can be ready to socialize and engage again. So it doesn't mean we're angry. We're not depressed. I am not... I am not depressed in any way. Being an introvert, and I'm friends with introverts, and I know a bunch of introverts and majority of them are not angry or depressed. Just tired. We're just tired.
Introverts Don't Have Fun
Next one. Introverts don't have fun. I don't know about you, but I'm having fun doing this podcast. So this one is weird to me, like introverts don't have fun. I don't know, when I hang out with my introvert friends, we have a ton of fun. And we are constantly laughing, cracking jokes. And we, you know, I've been to parties with them before. And this is not true by any means. You can ask any introvert and I feel like this kind of goes hand in hand with the last one, that people think we're depressed. But don't worry, guys, we're fine. I mean, you know, some people may be depressed, but in general we're fine. And, I actually do get this at parties. Like, I don't know why. I think honestly, I think it's my RBF you know? If you don't know an RBF, it's a Resting Bitch Face. So that means like, I look serious a lot and most of the time and I don't look like a nice person when I'm just naturally just standing there with no emotion in my face. That's just what I look like, I guess. And so, I think that's why I get that because that party is I do get asked a lot If I'm having fun, or if I'm doing all right, and I know, part of that is because like in family gatherings, that's just like how my family members are, they just want to make sure you're having a good time. But at the same time, I think it is because I am quiet. And I also have like a very strong RBF. So, but don't worry, guys, I'm having fun. If I'm not having fun, honestly, I'd probably just leave the party. And same with most other introverts.
Introverts Want to be Alone All the Time
All right, on to the next. Introverts wants to be alone all the time. I mean, I don't know anyone who's 100% completely introverted. Like a complete hermit. I have never met someone. And maybe that's because they are a hermit, but I really don't know anyone like that. And if there are people like that, it's just very, very rare. Eventually, introverts will crave some type of human interaction. It just doesn't have to be like a party. It can just be a phone call from a friend or just like a one on one dinner with somebody. Like, they're not necessarily craving a rager all the time. But they also don't need to be alone all the time. So a little background about like, where I got my degree, so... How I... Or... Oh my god. What am I saying? Okay, sorry. So, though I don't work in the actual field, but did get a degree in Family and Consumer Science with a concentration on Family Studies. So I remember learning the essentials for human survival. So the professor asked the class, what are the three main things that all humans need to survive? And you know, everyone.... Everyone had like their basic answers, water, food, blah, blah, but no one mentioned human interaction. And so, he listed out the three main things is:
Sustenance, so you know, food, water,
Shelter, to protect yourself from the environment, obviously.
And the third one is human interaction.
And this is important because it's for your mental state. In order for, like people to survive, we need human interaction. So even though you're an introvert, like you still need that, right? You probably just don't need it as much as an extrovert, which, you know, that's fine. But to assume that all introverts wants to be alone all the time, it's just completely wrong. And, you know, like, for me, for example, like I can barely last a week without seeing my husband, because there's a time that we had to spend a week apart from each other. And I stayed with my mom, and it was like, really difficult. And being in this quarantine, like, yeah, I really enjoy working from home like teleworking. But I do miss my coworkers a bit because I do miss the little interactions. And I do crave seeing people sometimes. Just not as much as some people. Like I can go a long time without seeing someone, but then I'll eventually want to see them. So no, we don't want to be alone all the time. That is very, very, very, very rare. I have never met a hermit and it'd be interesting though. Wouldn't it be interesting to interview that person? I don't. I don't know if I'll ever find a hermit, but if you know one, let me know.
Introverts Don't Like to Go Out in Public (i.e. Agoraphobic)
Okay, on to the next. Introverts don't like to go out in public slash they are agoraphobic. Okay, so if you don't know what agoraphobic means, the definition is extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, of leaving one's own home, or being in places from which escape is difficult. So, not sure if people actually believe this one like do people actually think introverts are agoraphobic or like don't like to go public? So this one is weird. I mean, obviously, introversion doesn't mean agoraphobic. I love going outdoors. Like, I love going shopping. Granted, most of the time I like going by myself by I do like going out to the stores and like I don't mind being in the crowd of people. So this one is a bit weird, like, yeah, most introverts are home bodies, but it doesn't mean that they don't enjoy going out, like going out to eat or going outdoors. or anything like that. And like I said, I love shopping, just by myself. I mean I do. So I do actually enjoy shopping with my friend, Bailey, because it's like the best introvert partner, like shopping partner, because we'll go to the same store together. But then we'll go like our separate ways, and go shopping first for our own stuff and like, so we're like shopping together, but not together. And then we'll meet up at the end and like, go over the stuff that we found. So that's like my perfect kind of shopping buddy. But yeah, anyways, no, this is not true. There's introverts all among you, you probably just don't know.
Introverts Don't Like Talking
Okay, next or Next one. Introverts don't like talking. Well, do I need to explain this one? Obviously, that's not true. I mean, come on. I have a podcast. It's called The Talkative Introvert. So I think this is because most introverts don't like chitchat or small talk. Most introverts prefer like that deep conversation. They really value that one on one time. And so, I don't think necessarily, introverts don't like talking. And it also kind of goes back to like, introverts kind of being quiet. And the ones that typically don't engage in the conversation, but that doesn't mean that when you go up to an introvert, that when you start a conversation with them, that they wouldn't be fully engaged and like have a full blown conversation. So it's not that they don't like talking, it's just most of the time, they're not the one to initiate the conversation. So this one is obviously and evidently not true.
Introverts Have Low Self-Esteem
Next one. Introverts have low self-esteem. This one is hard, because me personally, I do kind of have low self-esteem. But I don't, it doesn't mean that everyone, like every introvert has low self esteem. Like I said, like, the earlier misconception was that introverts are shy. But that's because introverts tend to be quiet. But that doesn't mean that they have low self-esteem. They're just quiet. So this one article, I have to read this paragraph, okay, it says,
This can be particularly problematic for introverted kids who are constantly pushed into situations by adults who think that socializing is the way to fix kids who are perceived as being shy and insecure. Kids who receive constant feedback from adults and peers, that something is fundamentally wrong with their personality, just might, however, start to question themselves as a result.
And I was like whoa! Whoa! I think that's me, you guys. What an a-ha moment I had when I read that paragraph. That's why I fit into this misconception. And I think it's because like, I remember in elementary school, like the teachers would always want you to be more extroverted and want you to have more the extroverted traits. And like, that totally makes sense. Yeah. But in reality, like, for me, for example, I'm very confident in the workplace. You know, I facilitate meetings, I talk in front of large groups all the time. I'm not afraid to speak up and share my thoughts. And I definitely have coworkers who are introverts and said they're introverts, but they're very confident in the way they present themselves and the way they speak in meetings. And so no, not all introverts have low self-esteem. Just because they're an introvert doesn't mean you have low self esteem. And just because you have low self-esteem doesn't mean you're an introvert. And that kind of leads into the next misconception.
Introverts are Poor Public Speakers
Introverts are poor public speakers. So like I said, this is not sure. I have to always facilitate meetings. And that requires being in front of a large audience. Sometimes it's like, can be a group of three people to a group of like 20 people, and it can include upper management, and so no, like I am... I am very confident in the way I speak, and I am... I believe I'm a good public speaker. I don't know. I've been told that I do facilitate meetings very well. So I'm assuming I'm a good public speaker, but like introverts, you know, they're, I think this one kind of goes hand in hand with the misconception that introverts don't like to talk and that all introverts are shy or anxious. I mean, some are obviously we're not all the same. But like, it doesn't mean that introverts are not good public speakers because they are an introvert. So this one's definitely wrong. All right.
Introverts Hate People
Next is introverts hate people. I mean, I mean, this is true for some people. But for the most part, I don't think most introverts hate people, I think. I think introverts are just tired of people. Like they're, they don't necessarily hate you, they just tired of you. I mean, there are obviously awful people out there in the world. And obviously, some people do hate people in general. But wouldn't be fair to say that all introverts hate people, and it's not that we hate people, at least for me, it's that I think why people may think that is because introverts pick and choose the, the friends and family that they want to be with. You know, like, in previous episodes, I mentioned that introverts tend to, like smaller, intimate groups, they tend to have, you know, like those chosen close friends. And they don't typically have like a giant, massive group of friends, they don't have like a giant squad they hang out with, it's just those very close ones that they pick out. And they value those relationships and those small groups of friends. So I think that's why people probably think that introverts hate people. But it's not that we hate people. We just like certain ones. Sorry, I'm just kidding. But we just pick the certain ones that we want to, you know, build a relationship with and stay close to. Simple.
Introverts Are Broken and Need to be Fixed
Next one, and this is like the last one, I promise, because I realized this is kind of a lot. Okay, introverts aren't broken and don't need to be fixed. So this one is obvious. And it kind of goes back to my pet peeve about people congratulating... Congratulating us for doing extroverted things. And, like. No. We don't need to be fixed. Like it's, we're, it's just who we are, you know, and this kind of goes hand in hand with the fact that people think we want to become extroverts. And it's like, no, we're born this way. Like, there's nothing wrong with us. And this also like, leads to, like people thinking extroverts are happier than introverts. And I don't know about you, but I don't have any problems about being an extro- or sorry, an introvert. Like, I don't think your happiness is determined by whether you're an introvert or an extrovert. That's just like a personality trait. That's just like, something you're born with. And happiness differs from person to person, regardless of that personality trait. And regardless of like, so many other factors, like, this is not one to worry about, like, like, don't go trying to fix people because there's there's nothing to fix. We're perfectly fine. Being an introvert like I said, it's not weird. It's common, it's normal. It's just part of who we are. And there's nothing wrong with that. And this is, again, obviously wrong misconception, because no, we are not broken. We don't need to be fixed. And don't ever try to fix an introvert. "Fix" with air quotation marks. I realized, like you can't see me, but we don't need to be, quote, fixed.
All right, you guys, that was the last one. I know that was a lot. There's actually more. I didn't put all of it on my list. So if you want to read that, I will link it in the description. If you liked that episode, and you enjoyed it, if you resonate with it with any of it, please let me know. I would love to start the conversation. Like I said, my brother said to put it on YouTube. So there's the comment section, and we can chit chat with each other. Until that happens, like... Well, actually, this is recorded in the future. (I meant the past. I don't own a time machine.) So that might happen already. So we'll see if it did happen, then I will link it in description. If it's not there, then I haven't done the YouTube videos yet. But reach out to me on Instagram, on Facebook. You can email my gmail account again, not doing Twitter. Sorry, not sorry, because I hate Twitter. And yeah, so thanks, guys for listening. I know there's actually people out there so Hi. I'll talk to you guys in the next episode.