S1E3 - Introvert Pet Peeves
In this episode, I will be talking about my own introvert pet peeves along with ones from others either from my own circle or on the internet. Hopefully, this can provide some insight about some of the things people do that can be irritating and frustrating that they don’t realize that they do. In the episode, I also mentioned a subreddit for introverts. If you’re interested, follow this link: https://www.reddit.com/r/introvert/ Please let me know what you thought about the episode and any topics you’d like me to discuss.
Some parts of the transcript may be edited for better readability, but the content remains the same. Mostly removed duplicate words, vocal filler words, and added/removed some words for clarification. Added text are in fuchsia.
Hey everyone! This is Meliza and I'm the Talkative Introvert.
So, this is Episode Three and I have to say, this is so much fun. I'm having so much fun doing this. I'm having fun, like writing down my topics, my outline and just putting my thoughts out there. Even if I don't have a bunch of listeners, I still want to continue doing this as a hobby. I mean, it would be pretty amazing if I did actually go big and actually get sponsors and get paid for this. Like, that would be the dream if I could just do this full time. But until then, if that ever happens, like, this is still a pretty fun hobby and I really enjoy doing it.
Alright, so I was reflecting on the last episode before I did this one. I'm still not used to my voice and I guess I have kind of a raspy voice, I guess. So, I could feel it right now actually. I do have water next to me, but I think I just naturally have a raspy voice. I've actually been told that, but I just… I don't listen to myself, so I don't, I don't hear it. I didn't know. I also kept referring to a bridesmaid's party as a bridesmaid’s party and it's a bachelorette party. I don't know why I kept saying bridesmaid’s party, but that's whatever, it's fine.
S- I just did it. I was gonna say, I do say “um” and “so” a lot. So, not gonna lie, I did go back and edit out some “um”s and “so”s, because it's just… I just said it so many times and I remember taking a Comms class. So, it was like for public speaking, and saying “um” and “so” and “like” and all that are called vocal fillers. And I remember getting marked down for that. So, we would have to do speeches in front of the class and then every vocal filler got like half a point, or something like that, marked down. So hopefully… I just said so. But hopefully, I will try to refrain from saying too many vocal fillers because I don't know, it did sound weird, but maybe I'm just overly conscious about it, because I took that class. I don't know. Let's see, I was... I was gonna say, um, again.
Also, the mic catches every sound. I did have to go back, like, I can hear my dog when he gets up to walk and when my chair squeaks and so I'm still learning this whole recording software and learning how to just get rid of all the background noise. I also am not using a real mic, like, not a real podcast mic. I have a... I have a headset. So, I have my like gaming headset, if you will. It's a Corsair. And it's still good though. I think it still sounds pretty good. It's not super muffled, at least it isn't to me. If I do have listeners out there, let me know how it sounds. If I do get some money for this and like, actually get some revenue, maybe I can go buy more professional equipment, if you will. But overall, I did try to not edit too much. I would… I would want it to be as live as possible and I tried to edit it so you can't like… I only edit maybe long periods of, what's it called, long periods of silence just to get that out of the way. And then I did like… I did get a lot of the weird sounds that your mouth makes. So, I'm really... I don't like listening to people eat. It kind of grosses me out and irritates me. Like, I don't like ASMR at all. I hate when people do ASMR while like eating ASMR so it's that weird (chomping sound). That sound. Sorry, I... Sorry for those who don't like that, but I just do not like that sound. So, I tried to go through the whole recording and take that out. Obviously, it's inevitable. Because you know, you're talking so that happens, but I did try to take most of it out. Because if you're like me, then it's just... I don't like it. Um okay. And I didn't… and then I also tried to refrain from stopping.
So, my first very... my first episode, if you guys listen to my last one, you would know that it was completely scripted. I basically read off a Word document and I kept stopping because I kept messing up what I was saying, and I kept going back and forth. And I was cutting stuff and re-recording stuff. And it just was.... the first one even though I said it was fun… It was fun. It made me want to do more. But I just kept, like, getting frustrated because I kept messing up what I was saying, because I'm trying to read word for word what I wrote. And so, the last episode, instead, I just did bullet points, you know? I took notes from other podcasters, and they said just to do bullet points, don't script it, don't, like, read verbatim what you wrote. And that ended up being so much better. It was… it was less frustrating, it was more fun. I ended up having more content. I think the last one is like over 30 minutes long. And it just made me want to do more, because I'm not like, frustrated and trying to just read off a script. So that was great. And I'm gonna probably just keep doing that going forward. And I'm going to try as much as possible to just keep this live, don't edit too much, not to like worry too much, because I, you know, again, this is a hobby for now, and I just want it to be fun. And if it does become a big thing, like, it really shows when someone's having fun when they do their content. Like when you watch a YouTuber, listen to another podcaster, you can tell like if they're having fun doing it, and those are like always the best ones when you know they're having fun. So, I will probably just continue with this method of doing a podcast. All right, so enough of reflecting on the last one and thanks for listening to that - this journey I'm on and about doing a podcast and all that. It's nice to reflect on and like really think about, like what I did last time. And hopefully I'm doing better as I'm doing these and as I'm releasing these episodes.
Getting into the Episode
So today, we are talking about introvert pet peeves. I've always wanted to do something like this, because... so with my other introvert friends, it's easy. Like, we have pretty much the same pet peeves, and we love to talk about it. And we enjoy just talking about it. And it's funny, and it's like, oh my god, I'm so glad you relate to me and I'm so glad that I relate to you, but with extrovert friends and extrovert family members, they don't know that they're doing this and I know there's no like, ill intent, like, a lot of times it's just them, you know, trying to... they have good intentions when they do some of these pet peeves, but I do want to go over it and, like, explain why are they a pet peeve and why, maybe, it's just not okay to do that or not okay to treat an introvert that way. Because like I said in the last episode, I do feel like we're in an extrovert world, right? Like people celebrate being an extrovert and they celebrate others being an extrovert. And it's like, their personalities are the types people look for in job interviews and applications and whatnot. And, you know, some of the most famous people in the world are seen as extroverts. And so, it's a little frustrating sometimes when people do certain things.
My Personal Pet Peeves
So, I'm going to talk about some of my pet peeves, and then some that I found on the internet. So, I just basically googled introvert pet peeves, and then grabbed a few and just made a list. So, I'm not going to link those articles because I just looked at a bunch of them and I forgot to save them all. But a good place to go, actually, is the introvert subreddit, they talk about it all the time. So if you're like into Reddit, like totally check out the introvert subreddit for both introverts and extroverts. Like introverts, it's like a great place to just like talk to other introverts and really just, you know, interact with other people just like you and just like, have a great conversation, or really just spill like your feelings. And then extroverts, it's a great place to just go and understand why an introvert is how they are, other than listen to my podcast, of course. Okay, so. So, let's see. Um, so my pet peeves. Some of these are things I experienced, and some are these are things I noticed other people experience or people told me they experience.
Being Told I’m Anti-Social and Need to be More Social
So, the first one is being told I'm anti-social and need to be more social. I used to get that a lot. And it was really irritating. Because it's not that I'm anti-social, necessarily. It's just that I need a break from social things like social events. So, I'm not trying to not be friends with anyone and trying to be a loner. It’s just that I need a break. And so, I hate when people tell me to be more social, like, I have no problems with the amount of friends I have and the times I pick to be social and go to a social event, like, it's a good balance.
Being Forced to Do Social Things
Okay, being forced to do social things I don't want to do. That was more… I mean, it does happen still. But it happened a lot when I was a kid. Because I did like spending time alone, or I liked being... doing like, quieter activities. And so, but like, I was always told to, like, go hang out with the other kids or like, be more friend… friendly, I guess. But like, hang out with the other kids and do stuff with them and be part of the group. And it's like, Why? Why, I don't want to, but that doesn't happen that much. You know, I'm an adult now. So, I get to pick and choose what I want to do now.
When People Think I need Company
When people say I'm lonely and need company. So this is pretty big in college. When I was a freshman, it was either freshman seminar, we like, got told – or we had to take a freshman seminar class, I think it was like a new thing that year, I don't know, but it was either that or orientation, I can't remember which one, I think it may have been orientation – But basically, either the professor or whoever the orientation host was saying that college is a great place to find friends and a great place to be social. So, if you see someone sitting by themselves at lunch, you know, maybe tap on their shoulder and ask if they need/want some company and/or go and just like sit with someone who's sitting by themselves. And in my head, I was thinking, “No, do not do that. Don't come to me, don't say hi to and sit next to me. Don't assume that I'm just lonely.” And I don't like people just assuming someone is lonely just because they sit by themselves at lunch. Like, you know, being in a classroom setting, like being in college, we did a lot of group work. I don't know about you guys, like whoever, if you guys like had to do a bunch of group work. But we always had to do group work. And that's exhausting in itself, so having lunch by myself was a good recharge until the next class. So I didn't… I didn't want that. I don't want people sitting next to me, don't assume people want that. Because I do have lunch by myself at work. But like I mentioned in the last episode, I do that because I'm constantly interacting with people and sometimes, I need a break, but people like to… and I get it, you know, they have good intentions. They just want to keep you company in case you are actually lonely. And I appreciate that. And I appreciate people, like who care about other people. But for me, you know, I just… it just puts me in an awkward situation. Because then I don't want to be mean and say no. But then, I also don't want them to sit next to me and have a conversation while I'm eating my lunch. So it's kind of hard. It's like almost a lose-lose situation.
Making You Feel Guilty for Wanting Alone Time
Um, okay, so… Oh! making me feel guilty when I want to spend time alone. So like I said, in my last episode, I come from a really big family. And it's, it's hard when you want to do something by yourself or, like, not even just from family, friends too like, they want to go out and do something and you just you don't have a good reason. You just want to spend time alone. And it's hard to... It's hard to come up with a good reason. And it's hard that... and it sucks that you have to have a good reason not to. Like, just flat out saying you don't want to isn't good enough and it sucks. Like, I want to just say, “No, sorry. I just don't want to.” without feeling guilty.
Assuming You’re Depressed and/or Suicidal
Another one. So, this doesn't happen to me, but I've noticed it happen to other people – assuming they're depressed or even like, as far as suicidal, just because they want to be by themselves or just because they want to spend time by themselves. I think people don't realize that. You know, you can have fun by yourself. You can have fun doing your crafts or like what I'm doing right now, this podcast. Like, I don't need someone like constantly there all the time, 100%. Like, I don't need constant attention and it doesn't make me depressed. It definitely doesn't make me suicidal. So, it's sucks like, being an introvert somehow, some way is associated to being depressed and it's not. And I hope people understand that like… Don't like, especially if you're a parent and you think your kid is suicidal or depressed, like, maybe just talk to them and understand, like, are you? Or are you just an introvert and and you just enjoy being by yourself. Like, have the conversation, don't just make the assumption, but also to know, I'm not a parent, so don't take parenting advice from me. LOL
Being Congratulated for Doing Something Extroverted
Okay, so the next one. Okay, so this is the last one before we go into like the Google search one. So this one is, Oh, my God, this one is a huge, huge, huge pet peeve. And I feel like a bunch of introverts will resonate with this and totally agree with me. But when I am congratulated for doing something extroverted, I (sigh) I absolutely hate that. I hate when I'm given like a kudos or like a thumbs up or a high five for doing something extroverted. Because what that ends up doing… Like, I know people are just genuinely happy that you did something like outside of your comfort zone and, you know, they're, I don't know… I know most of the time, it's just good intentions. It's not bad. But I don't think people realize how that can make someone feel. So, when someone congratulates you for doing something extroverted for doing something that's not typically what you would do and not really, like part of your personality to do. Like, it's kind of demeaning. Like, it feels like, who I am isn't good enough. Being an introvert isn't good enough, and that being an introvert is somehow bad or wrong. And like, when I do something extroverted, like it's, it's a great thing, it's a good thing, it's a positive thing as if being an introvert is negative. So, I don't really appreciate it. I don't like it. I don't say anything, though. I, maybe I should. But I just I know, they're coming from a good place. Like, no one's ever congratulating me, like, out of irony or like, to make fun of me, it's usually like, Yay, you know, like, I'm so glad you're doing this with me. You're coming out with and going out with me or, like, you know, something like that. So you know, it makes them happy. And it makes them, I don't know, grateful for my company. So that's why I don't really say anything most of the time. But maybe with this podcast, extroverts can, like understand, you know, when you do that you could really hurt someone's feelings, because… Because it sucks. Like, I don't like being told, or having a feeling of like, being who I am isn't good, or isn't the right way to be, if that makes sense. So, that one was my biggest, major pet peeve. And hopefully, if you're an extrovert, you can kind of understand like, how that can make someone feel. Maybe other people don't care and then maybe it's just like, a select few of us. I don't know. I can't speak for all introverts, but for introverts, if you feel the same way, maybe that's how you can tell people or explain to extroverts why that feels… That doesn't feel good. Like maybe you don't even have to tell them. Just tell them to listen to my podcast.
Transitioning to Google-Searched Pet Peeves
Okay, so I also Google searched some other pet peeves. So when I googled this, I didn't realize that these pet peeves are specific to introverts. There's a lot of stuff that I also agree with, and I thought maybe that was special to my personality. And I didn't know it was like an introvert thing. So it's actually pretty interesting to Google these because I've never just googled introvert pet peeves, because I know what my pet peeves are. So okay, let's get to this list.
The first one: loud talkers. I didn't know that was an introvert thing. I just… I just don't like loud talkers (messed up saying loud talkers) loud talkers. Geez. So that's another thing I realized. I need to enunciate my words better. When I was listening to my... to the last podcast. I don't know. I think I like jumble words together. Maybe I talk too fast. I'm not sure. Or maybe I'm just nervous. But I'm gonna try to enunciate better. Back to loud talkers. So, I think this is a Filipino thing too. But Filipinos do talk loudly. If you go to a Filipino party. It's... come prepared. Just come prepared. It's so loud, people talk loud. And, and I know people, obviously, it's not just Filipinos. There's a lot of people I know, a lot of people who just naturally talk loud. And it's kind of, I don't know, I just never liked it. It kind of tires me out when someone talks so loudly like it's pretty draining to listen to someone who's a loud talker. No offense to loud talkers. I have friends and family who are loud talkers, and I can't... I don't want to offend them. But it does. It does kind of, I don't know, irk me in a way, so I didn't know that was an introvert thing. As I'm doing this podcast, like I'm learning even more about this subject.
Okay, so next one surprise visits. Yeah, I hate surprise visits. Don't. Don't come knocking on my door unannounced. I'm usually like, not prepared to see somebody and I also grew up where if you have visitors, you clean your house first. And that might seem like normal for some people, but I've been to houses before and people… That's not a custom for everyone. That's for sure. Anyways, so first of all, you know, I'm usually not ready, socially ready, like I have to socially prepare myself to see someone and then my house, like, I would like it to be clean. So no surprise visits,
Small talk. I don't… I think… I just don't do well with small talk. It's usually just really awkward. I'm not very good at coming up with small talk conversation topics. I don't even know how to properly small talk. Maybe that's something I could search up. Like how to properly small talk. Because I don't enjoy it. I'm not good at it. It always ends up being awkward. I usually never know what to say. And then I'll think about what to say in response like way later, like way after the conversations already over. So no.
Okay, spontaneous plans. Didn't know that was an the introvert thing either. I thought that was just specific to me. So I'm a huge planner. I even used to own planners, but I am now trying to be more, I don't know, I guess environmentally friendly. Also, planners are just really expensive. So I'm sticking to my Google Calendar. But I've had an Inkwell planner, I've had an Erin Condren planner, I've had a Simplified planner, the Emily Lee one, like I was big into planners, and I've always had a planner all throughout school and all throughout college. I recently just stopped doing that for the 2019 year. So this year 2020, I'm not doing a planner at all. It's all completely digital. But with that said, Yeah, I don't like spontaneous plans. Because even though I'm an introvert, I'm also really busy. I mean, obviously, with this quarantine, that's all changed. But for the most part, this is gonna sound weird coming from an introvert, but my weekends are usually full. So like, it's either someone's birthday, or some event or I'm like helping my mom out or like having plans with friends. So I have to like… So I don't really do anything during the week, because I'm at work. And by the time works done, I'm usually pretty tired. And I'm socially exhausted by then because of like, just the interactions I have with my coworkers. So I typically do anything during the week. I just spend time with my husband and my dog. But on the weekends, you know, you only get like four weekends a month. And so one of those weekends I try to like hang out with my friend, or not one of my friends but like, you know, my friends and I try to reserve a weekend for my mom and I try to reserve a weekend for like my husband and then I try to reserve a weekend where I just don't do anything. And that's really hard to do. Because then we have to account for like special events. So my weekends tend to be really booked up and like it's exhausting. Like I have to sometimes tell my friends like hey, book a weekend in advance because I'm gonna go with, it's like a first come first serve situation. Like even though I don't have a lot of friends and it's just mostly family and like reserving time for people who are really close to me like my husband and my mom and even my brother sometimes. He's easy because we can just go on Discord and chat and like play video games together. We don't have to, like physically see each other all the time. But he does have a baby. And I do... It sucks because we have this quarantine. I don't get to see her that often. But hopefully when this is done, I can go see her. Anyway, so yeah, spontaneous plans. For me personally, it just doesn't work out. Because a lot of times I'm already booked. The sounds so weird. But I am usually booked, and spontaneous plans are just, it doesn't work for me because like, I specifically plan breaks in there because I know I get tired. I know I get socially exhausted. My social meter, like has a limit. So no, I can't do spontaneous plans. I can sometimes. There's those very rare few times I have done like where my friend just texted me like, Hey, you want to have dinner tonight, and then we'll go have dinner. But those are very, very rare.
When People Say, “Why are You so Quiet?”
So another pet peeve I found was, Why are you so quiet? So I didn't put that in my list of pet peeves. But it is it is something I've experienced, but it doesn't bother me as much as I guess other introverts do, because when people say Why are you so quiet? I just say because I'm quiet. So, simple as that. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't. I don't get asked that a lot. Like I know people notice I'm quiet, but they don't necessarily ask me it's just like an observation, I guess.
Okay, so this next one: physical contact. So this one is another thing I thought was my just part of my personality and didn’t see as an introvert thing. So I don't... it's not that I don't like physical contact. Like, I like hugs. You know, I like hugging my friends and hugging my family members and it's not like I don't like physical contact. It's physical contact, I guess from people who are not super close to me. Physical contact, like, I don't like when people touch my face. I hate that. You can... you can ask anyone. I don't know why. I just don't like when people touch my face. I'll flinch. If someone tries to touch my face, like someone try to take an eyelash or something off my face. And I just completely flinched and freaked out a little bit. And it's just part of my mannerism. I don't even think about it. I just automatically flinch. So yeah, I didn't know that was like an introvert thing. That's interesting. Typically, when I first meet people, I shake their hand or something. Well, see, now it's different now. So I don't know what we'd be doing. Elbow bumps, I guess. That's what like some people are doing. But I don't enjoy physical contact from strangers or people I don't really know that well. It takes a while. Like once we build up a relationship, then all I'll convert to hugging you.
FaceTime. So FaceTime is a new thing. Now that were quarantined, I feel like I'm facetiming more. Well, not… Yeah, more. I definitely don't do it often. Like I rarely do FaceTime, but when I do, it's kind of the same as being like, one on one, like the same exhaustion, I guess, from being one on one with a person. And it is tiring. So it's like the same social aspect as being with like, being next to someone. It's just more… It's just virtual is the only difference. So that's a… That's a new pet peeve for me, but I guess it is for other introverts. Since FaceTime became a thing.
Being Told We’re Too Serious, Too Sensitive, and Too Sarcastic
Ummm... being told we're too serious, too sensitive, and have excessive sarcasm. So that's true, I get that a lot and it is pretty irritating. Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being me? Excessive sarcasm, I have been working on that. So in college, I always tell this story. But I got points taken off because I was too sarcastic. So the teacher requested for an essay. And it's… we were supposed to do it in our own persona. And I was like, okay, so I guess my persona is sarcastic. That's not what I was thinking when I wrote it. But I guess when I when I was writing it, I was writing it like how I would just me being who I am. Being myself. And when I turned in the paper and got my grade back. I got like, I got a 99% and I was like okay, so what's the 1%? Like, why did I lose a point and the teacher wrote because I was too sarcastic. And I was like, but didn't you just ask for us to write in our own persona? So I hated that, but I guess I'm sarcastic. That kind of validated that for me. But I am doing a little better. The only reason I'm saying… I'm not saying being sarcastic is bad or wrong or anything like that, but it does rub people the wrong way. And sometimes I forget about that. So I am better about it like in the workplace. Personally, I don't know. You'd have to ask my friends and family. But in the workplace, I am getting better. I try not to be too sarcastic. I know it hurts some people's feelings. So sorry.
Making Us Stay Later at a Party
Um, okay, and this last one, this last one I should have added to my personal list. But I didn't think about it until I read it on whatever article it was but making us stay longer at a party. Oh, my God, that is a huge pet peeve. Like if you're an introvert, you would understand why someone leaves early. But being an extrovert, like, (long sigh) just let us leave early, please. There's a reason why we're leaving early. Like I need people to understand that when we leave early, it's not because we don't like you. It's not because you know, we have any negative thoughts about you. Like it's not about you at all. Really. That's what it comes down to. It's not about you. And it's nothing personal to you. It's just that our social meter has drained. We're, we're out of energy. The Energizer Bunny has stopped working. It's just… We're done. And we need to recharge, we need to just re- like, yeah, recharge, we need to relax. And we need to go back into our home, our little hole and just hibernate a little bit until the next social gathering. So actually extroverts out there, you know, if you know your friends introvert, don't, don't try to just make them stay. Because they want to leave. And it's, it's nothing against you. It's not personal. Try not to take it personally, they just really need to go home, and recharge and they'll be ready for the next one. So that was the last one.
So hopefully, wow, I definitely spoke way over. Not way over, I shouldn't say that. But I definitely spoke over half an hour about my pet peeves because I really want to get this out there. Because there otter... otter LOL, there are a lot of things that people do that they don't realize, can be a little irritating. Obviously, some of these things are just whatever, you know, it's gonna happen regardless, it doesn't it's not a big deal, who cares. But some of these are like, kind of big, like the whole congratulating someone for doing something extroverted. Like maybe that doesn't seem like a big thing to some people. But to others, like that can really hurt someone's feelings. And I know people aren't trying to, but it's just, they can really make someone feel like they're not good enough for being who they are. So maybe just keep that in mind. The next time, one of your introvert friends does something that's like totally out of the ordinary. Like, instead of congratulating them for, for being an extrovert or doing something extroverted, maybe say something like, you know, I really, I'm so glad that you're here, like, I'm so glad you're doing this with me, or I appreciate you coming with me or doing this activity with me or, you know, something along those lines, not just saying like, yay, you're doing something extroverted. So, like, stuff like that, are maybe a little more serious, and like the whole, also making someone feel guilty to spend time alone. Like, don't make someone feel guilty because they don't want to do something. And that kind of goes for anything really. Like if you really, truly don't want to do something like if you don't want to go on that hike or go to that party or I don't know, whatever. Like, we shouldn't feel guilty because we don't want to do it. That's something I need to work on too like I need to make sure that I'm not pressuring my friends at the same time. Because sometimes you don't know, you don't know like you when you do something that might irritate someone or make someone feel bad.
So I hope this episode was a little informational, hopefully gave you some insight into what introverts may find irritating or frustrating and now you have a bit of understanding why it's frustrating. Why it's irritating. And I don't want to. It kind of makes it sound like introverts don't like extroverts, but that's totally not the case. I mean, like I said, a lot of my family members are extroverted. One of my best friends is an extrovert. So it's not that we don't like extroverts. So I don't want this episode to be like, why we hate extroverts, but that's not true. That's definitely something I want to talk about in another episode, and that’ll be a fun episode too. So I hope it didn't end on a negative note. It's just more for awareness like so I hope you found that interesting.
And if there are actually listeners out there, and you found this interesting, please go follow my Instagram page at the @talkativeintrovertpodcast. You can also find me on Facebook, I'll link all those in the description. I did make a YouTube page and I don't know by the time I... by the time I publish this, if I'll have a YouTube channel, but if I do, it'll be called the talkative introvert podcast. So I will also link that in the description if I decide to go that route. Um yeah, and then send me messages. Let me know like, do you. Do you agree with my pet peeves? Do you have the same pet peeves? Do you not have the same pet peeves? If you're an extrovert do you have questions? Like let's start a conversation.
So thanks, guys. I hope you liked that. Hope it was interesting. Hope to hear from you guys. And yeah, I will talk to you in the next episode.