S1E19 - How to Spot an INTJ w/ Leah Guillama (Part 1)

Episode Description:

Fairly recently, my sister-in-law and I took the 16 Personalities quiz, which is basically the free version of the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment. (Maybe some day I’ll take the actual one.) Not surprisingly, we ended up with both being an INTJ, except she’s an INTJ-T and I’m an INTJ-A. So, in this episode we talk about how to spot an INTJ.


Here’s the link to the quiz: https://www.16personalities.com/


Here are the articles I reference:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/13-spot-traits-intj-personality-225527620.html

https://www.16personalities.com/articles/assertive-architect-intj-a-vs-turbulent-architect-intj-t


Disclaimer:

Some parts of the transcript may be edited for better readability, but the content remains the same. Mostly removed duplicate words, vocal filler words, and added/removed some words for clarification.


Transcript:

Hey, everyone! This is Meliza, and I'm the Talkative Introvert.


In today's episode, I have another guest on today. So, I'll try to keep this intro a little short. But I do have a little PSA, if you will. If you live in America, then you know it's voting season. So, please don't forget to register and to vote this year. A lot of people keep saying voting is important more than ever this year. But honestly, I hate that statement. Because voting is always important. As an American, please exercise that right. We are very fortunate to have that right. A co-worker actually shared this saying that is taught to children in the Middle East. And that is "A closed mouth lives a longer life." And that really shocked me. Because what that meant is that people who talk against the government there, you know, tend to not live a longer life. I won't get into detail about that. I'm sure you can read between the lines. And that just really shocked me because I grew up in America. And I knew my right to vote. I knew that I had a place and a voice to talk about, you know, politics and to make a decision on what our government can or cannot do. And people don't get to practice that right in other countries. Right? And so, I think it's so important to remember how fortunate we are to have a say in our government here. And how important is to exercise that right. Because not a lot of people take full advantage of that. So, I will add in the description links and how to register to vote. I believe some states, you can still register. I believe here in California; you can still register to vote. And then I'll also link where to get information about what will be in your ballot. Because voting is more than just voting for the President. And voting happens more than just every four years. There are still local elections. And then the ballot this year will include depending on your area. Will include new props, you know, and appointing new staff, such as the chief of police, Mayor, Senators, what have you. And so, please take a look at ballotpedia.org. So please check that out to see what will be in your local ballot. And all right, so I just wanted to have that little PSA. I'll probably do a little voting PSA until the election starts just because if I do have any American listeners who are new to politics and new to voting, I hope that I can still reach out to you. And hopefully encourage you to go out there and vote.


Alright guys let's get into the episode. Joining me today is my sister-in-law, Leah Guillama. If you haven't heard her episode, she was in one previously. It's Episode 15, where she talks about her 'Move across the country from California to Virginia'. So, go check that out. But today, we're gonna be talking about our Myers-Briggs personality test results. So, Hi Leah.


Leah 03:03

Hey! I'm back.


Meliza Manalo 03:05

I'm so excited to do this one. Oh, and then also Leah is also a.k.a. or also known as Louie. Because I don't really call her Leah. But I don't know how many times I'm gonna call you Louie throughout the episode. But just in case, you know, because they're like, "Who the hell is Louie?"


Leah 03:21

I know. So many nicknames.


Meliza Manalo 03:26

Yeah. So, I posted this on my Instagram page, that I took the 16 personalities quiz, which is basically the free version of the actual Myers-Briggs test. Because the real Myers-Briggs test, I think it's more like, comprehensive and it costs money. So, the 16 personalities, one is free. And I'm hopefully just as accurate. Hopefully, it's just as accurate as the real one. But yeah, so my result, I got the INTJ-A.


Leah 04:00

I got INTJ-T.


Meliza Manalo 04:04

So, we basically got the same thing. But just slightly different. So, I had to figure out what the difference was. And so, I wanted to kind of just briefly read through it. The 16 personalities website, I'll link in the description. But basically, I did a little summary. So, I'm not going to go through the whole thing. But basically, so I'm a... so that's considered Assertive architect, whereas a T is a Turbulent architect. And based on the summary, so Louie, you are often fueled by your worries and concerns.


Leah 04:46

Sounds bad, right?


Meliza Manalo 04:49

And then whereas, so for assertive architects, they're a little more confident and more reassured in their choices, I guess. But they're both ambitious, but their motivations are different. Assertive architects are more motivated from within. And their inspiration to act is based on confidence in their rationality. Turbulent architects are moved forward in life to a greater degree by their concerns, worries and how others might see them. So, I feel like... I don't know if this is wrong or right. But I feel like, I'm more, I think more about things. Or I'm more of a rational, logical, don't-really-put-people's-feelings-into-consideration kind of choice maker. Whereas you are more in tune with like the people around you and all that. Do you think that's accurate?


Leah 05:46

I think it's super accurate. As much as I don't want to be that way. And I've tried to convince myself for years, like, oh, you don't actually care what people think about you, blah, blah, you shouldn't care. I do care a lot. Most of the time. There are sometimes where I can get myself in that mindset. But I think probably like, 80%-90% of the time, I do care what people think, maybe even more than that.


Meliza Manalo 06:16

Yeah, I know. I was reading through this whole thing, the actual article, not just the summary. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty accurate.


Leah 06:25

No, I know. It's almost scary how accurate it is.


Meliza Manalo 06:30

Yeah, I know. Like, I want everyone to take it.


Leah 06:33

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 06:34

Like, I don't know, like every new person, I want to ask them what their Myers-Briggs personality is. Because I was reading mine. And it's true, because sometimes people view me as kind of heartless or soulless.


Leah 06:51

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 06:52

That sounds bad. That sounds really bad.


Leah 06:54

Yeah, I know.


Meliza Manalo 06:56

But I have good intentions. It's just that I prefer the rationality of things rather than emotions.


Leah 07:06

I feel like I still get that too. Even though I'm not quite as much like that as you are. But I also get that all the time. I'm like, no, I'm not that cold hearted.


Meliza Manalo 07:18

Yeah.


Leah 07:18

I'm just trying to be rational and logical.


Meliza Manalo 07:21

Yeah. Because it's not really being cold hearted. It just seems that we're being cold hearted. But it's for like... my thought process is supposed to benefit everyone. You know?


Leah 07:33

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 07:34

Like, I don't know, harsh love, I guess or whatever you want to call it.


Leah 07:39

That's one of the biggest things. I remember watching a video about INTJs. And they were talking about that. And I was like, wow, I never realized that. Like, there are other people who think that way.


Meliza Manalo 07:55

Yeah.


Leah 07:57

I don't know. It was just so weird. It was like I was talking to someone who was in my brain.


Meliza Manalo 08:04

Yeah. It freaked me out a little bit.


Leah 08:06

Yeah. Because obviously, so one thing we should mention is, for females, the INTJ personality trait is the rarest. I actually have like a little chart right here. It's tied with the ENTJs. So only 0.9% of the female population test as INTJ or ENTJ.


Meliza Manalo 08:32

Which is crazy that we even know each other.


Leah 08:36

Yeah. Two of us.


Meliza Manalo 08:38

Yeah, we just so happen to know each other. And it's crazy. Because I never, I don't know, growing up, I felt really different. And I don't know, like I don't... I'm different from my family. Like really different from my family. And it was really weird to meet you. Because I'm like, why are we so similar?


Leah 09:03

Yeah, that's how I felt. Even with Brandon, it was a little bit better. Because we're not the same personality type. But I feel like we just have a lot of the same tendencies. But we didn't get along until I was in high school. So, as a kid, I felt like no one was like me. I never met anyone that was like me. And I always thought that I was just like, super weird. And I'm always trying to be like other people. Because I was so weird and so different. It was like, a bad thing to be that weird and different.


Meliza Manalo 09:41

Yeah, I was literally just about to say that. I was saying I feel like I fully embraced my INTJness.


Leah 09:49

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 09:49

When I got older. Because when I was little just trying to conform to what, you know, everybody else is doing.


Leah 09:56

Yeah. And people will tell you like, "Oh, why aren't you do things like that person? Why aren't you like that person?" I would get that a lot as a kid, especially in our family. That sounds really bad. But being kind of the black sheep of the family, sometimes people would be like, "Oh, why aren't you like so-and-so?", "Why don't you so things like them?", "Why don't you like that?", "Why don't you like doing this?" Because I just don't.


Meliza Manalo 10:21

Yeah, and you hear it. They'll talk about it.


Leah 10:23

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 10:24

You hear family members talking about it. They're blunt.


Leah 10:28

The bluntness. (Laughter)


Meliza Manalo 10:29

Yeah. Geez. So blunt.


Leah 10:32

It's a good thing in some sense.


Meliza Manalo 10:35

Yeah. Oh, I want to read this bullet point. Maybe you'll kind of laugh. So, this one says, 'While neither personality type is likely to be very comfortable with their emotions, turbulent architects are more likely to express theirs, and use them to connect with others by being more approachable.' And I remember from the last episode, how people love to talk to you.


Leah 11:00

That's exactly what I thought of just now.


Meliza Manalo 11:05

And I was like, no one ever wants to talk to me. I'm not. approachable.


Leah 11:10

Yeah, so it's so weird. Because we have this thing. Well, now we know that we have the same personality type. But we've always known that we were very, very, very similar. But then there are things like that, that make us complete opposites almost.


Meliza Manalo 11:27

Yeah.


Leah 11:27

And it's really just that little difference in that last category.


Meliza Manalo 11:32

I know. I feel like you're just more in tune with your emotions. And I'm not. A good example is, I don't know if you remember this but what was it? Oh, remember when you used to work at that salon here in California?


Leah 11:49

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 11:50

I got my hair done for graduation. And I was like, finally done. And I really, really loved it, but I didn't express that. And then your boss, asked you the next day, "Does she like it?"


Leah 12:05

Yeah, I remember that.


Meliza Manalo 12:10

And I was like, ohh Mia. Because I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be expressive. Because in my head, I'm like, yeah, this is really, really beautiful. But externally, all I said was like, "It's nice, thank you." Or something like that. (Laughter)


Leah 12:29

Yeah, I do notice that sometimes with you. But it's funny though, because I still feel that way when I compare myself to, especially like extroverts. When I compare myself to other people, I feel the same way as you. I feel like I'm not in tune with my emotions. I don't always know how to express them. Especially negative emotion.


Meliza Manalo 12:54

Yeah.


Leah 12:55

I cannot be around someone, I don't like being sad around people or I will never get angry, really in public. Almost never. It's very rare for me to be visibly angry. There's only one time that I can think of that. I actually really screamed and yelled at Fabian and shocked myself. I've never done it since then. I scared myself I think, more than I scared him.


Meliza Manalo 13:25

Oh, I can never do that.


Leah 13:27

Yeah, I did it one time. And it was the weirdest, strangest feeling ever. And I don't ever want to feel that again.


Meliza Manalo 13:37

Yeah. I can't deal with intense emotion.


Leah 13:41

Yeah, it's more of like... I don't even know what one thing I did read or hear about in a video I can't remember is that like, I don't know if this is true for you, but when you experience really intense emotion, especially anger or sadness or something, you just kind of go catatonic. And I feel like that happens to me. Fabian has actually complained about it before. But I don't know. It's almost like I don't know how to process these emotions. So, I just kind of like shut off until I can figure it out.


Meliza Manalo 14:16

But yeah, that makes sense. Because not to make this darker or anything. But when my dad died, after like, we've found him and whatever. And they took his body and blah, blah. So, when I came home, I literally just like went to bed in the dark and just laid there in complete silence. And Brandon was in the living room, I think. It was just like complete silence, complete darkness. And I just laid there.


Leah 14:53

Yeah, I've definitely had those moments too.


Meliza Manalo 14:56

Because it's completely different. And hopefully John doesn't get mad at me. But like, this just kind of shows the different personalities. Because john, I don't even need to know his Myers-Briggs to know he's the complete opposite of me.


Leah 15:09

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 15:10

But his reaction was extremely like... very emotional and very like... I don't know what the word is. I don't want to see theatrical because that sounds wrong. But like, you know what I mean. Very expressive.


Leah 15:25

Yeah, he's just not very expressive. Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 15:27

Yeah, very expressive. But I wasn't like that. I was the complete opposite. I was just alone for myself in the dark for a few hours until, I guess, I was trying to process it.


Leah 15:38

Yeah, that's pretty much how I am too, especially around people almost never expressive. I don't even... I rarely even cry in front of people. And sometimes it's hard not to. But...


Meliza Manalo 15:52

Yeah.


Leah 15:52

I try my hardest to hold it all in. But then usually when I'm alone, that's when it kind of all comes out. And I'll sometimes let it come out. But I try really, really hard not to.


Meliza Manalo 16:06

Yeah, Same. Like I think Brandon's probably the only one I've... Well, I don't know if I've fully lived, you know. Probably yeah. With Brandon. I mean, it's been 13 years. I'm sure I did a few times. But for the most part, I don't show that around people. Especially family. I don't know why. Something about being vulnerable, I guess. I don't know.


Leah 16:32

Yeah. It's so weird.


Meliza Manalo 16:34

But yeah, that bullet point, especially the part this is very, like, what is it? Neither personality type is likely to be very comfortable with their emotions. I was like, yeah, that's exactly right. That's so true. It's crazy. Like my inability to express excitement has made a lot of people like, I don't know, wonder about me that I'm like a robot. Like, I remember that time. So, I remember when you visited Fabian in Virginia, he didn't live there yet. We were still roommates. And you came home with like, I think you bought everyone shot glasses? And we opened it in front of him via video chat. And then it came to my turn. And you said, I think you warned him. You said like, "Just know that Mia will probably like it, but she won't show it."


Leah 17:35

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 17:37

And then when I opened it, I said, "Oh, that's cool." And then you both just start laughing. I did like it; we still have it. It's still in our cupboard, but I just...


Leah 17:50

Oh, God. Yeah. That sounds about right.


Meliza Manalo 17:56

Oh, my goodness. It's awful.


Leah 17:57

Yeah, I do like to warn people. Because I know that that affects people a lot when you don't show emotion. I understand it. Because I know how you are. And to a certain level, I can be that way too. So, I can understand how uncomfortable it is.


Meliza Manalo 18:16

Yeah.


Leah 18:16

I feel like sometimes I will like, not that I'm faking the emotion. It's just, I will purposely make the emotion bigger than I really would normally.


Meliza Manalo 18:30

Yeah. You like intensify it?


Leah 18:33

Yeah, I do. I intensify it just to make sure that the other person knows. I'm gonna make Fabian take one of them next time. Because that's what he did last time.


Meliza Manalo 18:43

Oh, he did?


Leah 18:44

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 18:44

Okay. So, we were talking about intensifying your emotions.


Leah 18:51

Yeah, that sounds so bad. But it's just like, I actually do feel that emotion I'm just intensifying it. So, the other person knows that I am happy, basically.


Meliza Manalo 19:03

Yeah. No, I get that because that's what made me... I went down this rabbit hole. But it made me think that I was a psychopath. But I don't think a psycho... No. It's sound stupid. But because there's this interview that someone was having with the sociopath. But there's a slight difference. Not a slight difference. There's a difference. And so, I thought I was a psychopath. Because one of the traits of one is that they mimic the emotions of somebody else. Just because they don't necessarily feel that. They don't feel empathy. I mean, I feel empathy. But there are a lot of times where I just mimic the emotion. Because that's not the same emotion I'm getting. But I know that's the normal emotion you're supposed to be feeling.


Leah 19:57

Yeah, I think I feel like we've had conversations about this. Cuz I felt the same way.


Meliza Manalo 20:01

Yeah.


Leah 20:02

I got a lot scared at some point, too. Cuz I was like, is this normal? Am I supposed to be this unemotional or whatever? And that's funny because I was looking up INTJ stereotypes. And one of them is that we're like sociopaths or psychopaths.


Meliza Manalo 20:24

Yeah. You know, like, ooh, I don't want to be titled that. And that freaked me out. Because of this association of psychopaths and sociopaths. And people, you know, associate them with murders. And we just finished watching Dexter.


Leah 20:43

A lot of films are INTJs apparently.


Meliza Manalo 20:46

Yeah, and I don't know, that scared me. I think mainly because we just finished watching Dexter. And because, so his relationship with Rita. I feel like I'm Dexter and then Brandon is Rita. Because Brandon is more in tune with his emotions.


Leah 21:06

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 21:06

And so, I was like, man, I really hope I'm not. But I felt like, I would know if I am. For sure.


Leah 21:14

Yeah, I think you're okay because he would never hurt a fly.


Meliza Manalo 21:19

Yeah, exactly. Then again...


Leah 21:21

Also, one thing that... What?


Meliza Manalo 21:23

No, so the interview with the sociopath, the guy was saying... because there's that stereotype that murderers are sociopaths or whatever.


Leah 21:34

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 21:34

And the guy asked him, like, what do you feel about that misconception? And then the guy said that, "Well, there's no logical reason for me to kill someone. Therefore, I wouldn't." And I was thinking, well, yeah, that makes sense. (Laughter) So I was like, well, I still can't be because it doesn't mean I want to kill someone. It's just, there's no beneficial...


Leah 22:00

Yes.


Meliza Manalo 22:00

You know, there's no benefit to it.


Leah 22:02

Yeah. Everything is surrounded by logic.


Meliza Manalo 22:05

Yeah, exactly. But I don't think I am one.


Leah 22:11

So, I had this conversation with Erica's dad, when he came to visit. We were all just like, we're out to dinner, just talking and stuff. And I don't know how this came up. Probably because we were talking about what I want to do. So, you know. But just so everyone knows, I want to be a Forensic Pathologist's Assistant. So, I want to do autopsies and stuff like that. So basically, I just want to work with dead people. And I remember telling him. I feel like I've told a couple people this, but I feel like in another life, like if I didn't have a conscience, I would probably make a really good serial killer.


Meliza Manalo 22:53

That's a good point.


Leah 22:55

Yeah, we have this conversation. I think it's funny. I think other people I tell don't really think it's funny. And then he walks into our house. And you've never been here before. But in our living room, which I did not realize this until he said something. But he walks into our house. And he goes, he looks around and he's like, "I could see how she could be a serial killer." Because I have a lot of skulls everywhere. Which I did not realize. Like I don't care. Like I have a lot of skulls everywhere. I have an obsession with bones. I really like bones. And that's what made me want to get into the autopsy business, basically. But because we have a big tapestry with two skeletons dancing on it. Like this huge tapestry covers the whole wall. I have this skull that I just used as a decoration on the TV stand. There's another pair of skeletons on the record player. There's just like a bunch of other little... they're little things. So, I feel like you don't really notice them. But he did. But I thought that was just so funny because I've always kind of felt like, I was always scared that I might be a sociopath or a psychopath. But then I remind myself like, oh, you can't actually hurt anything.


Meliza Manalo 24:18

Yeah, you have a conscience.


Leah 24:20

Yeah, I could never hurt an animal especially.


Meliza Manalo 24:24

Mm hmm.


Leah 24:24

And the reason why I want to work with dead people is because I'm too scared to be a nurse or anything that works with live people. Because what if I make a mistake and I accidentally kill someone? So...


Meliza Manalo 24:36

Yeah. I know I had. Oh, I didn't have this conversation with anybody. I had the conversation in my head to myself.


Leah 24:45

I have a lot of those. (Laughter)


Meliza Manalo 24:48

But like along the same lines as you, I think, it's just gonna sound really bad but I would never do it because I have a conscience and I have ethic. I think scientists who do human experiments are fascinating.


Leah 25:07

Oh, I do too.


Meliza Manalo 25:09

Extremely fascinating. Like if I wasn't so lazy and didn't really care for school, I would probably go to school for Neuro. I love the human brain. And I love that you can like tweak something, and completely change a person.


Leah 25:31

Oh, I know it's so interesting.


Meliza Manalo 25:33

Yeah, it's so fascinating like how, like just a little... you just cut like a little tiny bit of a brain and you can go from speaking eloquently to just like singing. Or being a super calm person to an angry person.


Leah 25:51

I know.


Meliza Manalo 25:51

Or like, it's crazy. That's why human experiments are just so fascinating.


Leah 25:57

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 25:57

There are so many things you can alter about the human body.


Leah 26:00

It's definitely so interesting. It's just because... I feel like we have a pretty good way of disconnecting the human aspect with the actual physical body. It's a body. It's not really the person.


Meliza Manalo 26:18

Yeah.


Leah 26:19

I don't know if that makes sense. That probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people. It probably sounds really scary. I swear I'm not a scary person.


Meliza Manalo 26:31

Yeah.


Leah 26:32

I don't want to cut people open just willy-nilly.


Meliza Manalo 26:35

No, definitely not. I could never. Like you said, I can't even kill an animal. Like I... what is it? Like some of your family members, like your Reno family? They go hunting. And I was like, I could never do that. I can never go hunting.


Leah 26:54

I could not. No. I can't even kill a spider.


Meliza Manalo 26:58

Yeah.


Leah 26:58

I don't even kill spiders. Like the only thing that I'm okay with killing are mosquitoes. And then, occasionally, cockroaches. I'm just terrified of cockroaches. So, I don't want to get close enough to have to kill it.


Meliza Manalo 27:11

Yeah, exactly.


Leah 27:13

But those are the only two things where I'm like, yes, you can die. Because I hate you.


Meliza Manalo 27:17

Mm hmm.


Leah 27:19

But other than that, I'll put spiders in a cup and take them outside. Like, I can't kill anything. I just feel so bad.


Meliza Manalo 27:30

I can't even hurt a person. Like I've never, have I never? No that's not true. But in my adult life, I have never hurt someone physically. I've never punched someone.


Leah 27:45

Yeah, I've never done anything like that in anger.


Meliza Manalo 27:47

Or anything like that anger. Yeah. Like, I don't think I could you know. I'd rather just talk it out. But I cannot.


Leah 27:52

Yeah, and we don't have like, I feel like we just don't have strong enough emotions to do that anyway.


Meliza Manalo 27:59

Oh, that's a good point.


Leah 28:01

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 28:02

That's true. That's probably why.


Leah 28:06

Yeah,


Meliza Manalo 28:07

And that's a good thing, though.


Leah 28:09

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 28:10

So yeah, we would never be murderers. It's just, you know, fascinating things that we think about in our heads.


Leah 28:17

So, it's just a stereotype. We're not sociopaths or psychopaths. Or robotic. Or emotionless.


Meliza Manalo 28:27

I like to say Vulcan. You know?


Leah 28:29

Yeah. We just don't know how to express it as well as people would like us to.


Meliza Manalo 28:34

But internally, you know, I'm squealing with joy.


Leah 28:38

Yeah. Oh, my God. I know.


Meliza Manalo 28:42

I had trouble. I think I mentioned this too in our group chat. I'm not troubled, but like, I guess I have a monotone voice, which you can't tell on the podcast. Louie mentioned to me that I use my customer service voice on the podcast. But I think that's just because I know people are listening. So, I kind of put emotion into it.


Leah 29:09

I feel like it also kind of changes whether you have a guest or not.


Meliza Manalo 29:14

Yeah?


Leah 29:15

A little bit. I have to go back and like really listen to it. But I feel like when it's just you, you have a little bit more of that customer service voice. But then when you're with other people, you're a little bit more comfortable.


Meliza Manalo 29:26

Mm hmm. Yeah, I've noticed that too. Like, just now I said, mm hmm. I noticed when I do listen to people when I talk to people, people probably won't notice this, like listeners will notice this. But I do delete some of the 'Mm hmm' that I do. Because it sounds like I'm bored. Or like...


Leah 29:47

Oh really?


Meliza Manalo 29:48

Yeah, it sounds like I'm uninterested, but it's really just me confirming that I heard you, you know? But when I was listening back on it, I was like, man, I sound like I'm bored of this person. But I'm not. I'm super interested in what they're saying. So, I delete some of them out.


Leah 30:05

I have to watch myself like that sometimes too. Even Fabian will. Like, there are a lot of times where he thinks I'm angry or something or I don't know, I'm just like blah. But I'm really not. I'm completely and totally fine. But sometimes I just don't sound that way.


Meliza Manalo 30:26

Yeah, like, I get...


Leah 30:27

And I think it's because I'm so comfortable with him that I don't need to animate my emotions.


Meliza Manalo 30:33

Yeah, exactly. Like I get a lot of "Are you okay?" You get that a lot?


Leah 30:43

Oh my god. How many times have you heard my mom asked me if I'm okay? Or she's always like, "Why the long face?"


Meliza Manalo 30:49

Yeah. And always it's like, "I'm fine."


Leah 30:52

I hear that all the time. "Why the long face?"


Meliza Manalo 30:56

Like I hate, sometimes Brandon does this. But I hate when he says, "Are you mad?" And then I have to explain to him, "I'm mad now. Because you asked me if I'm mad."


Leah 31:09

Oh, I literally just had this happen the other day. I was like, "Okay, now I'm really annoyed because you keep asking me."


Meliza Manalo 31:17

Yeah, because I wasn't mad prior to this question.


Leah 31:25

That's so funny.


Meliza Manalo 31:26

I'm crying. So funny. Oh my god. We haven't even gotten to what the main thing I was gonna get through.


Leah 31:39

Oh my god. Okay. Moving on.


Meliza Manalo 31:42

So originally this episode, I found this episode. Oh, this episode, sorry, this article. That's titled, what was the title? Is there no title to this? Oh, here, there are 13 spawn traits of an INTJ personality type. So, what I googled is 'How do you spot an INTJ?' And so, I wanted to kind of go down the list and wanted to see if this was accurate or not.


Leah 32:15

Mm hmm.


Meliza Manalo 32:16

So, the first one is, 'You were a bookworm as a kid.' Which I think is true for you.


Leah 32:22

Yeah. Like it is but isn't. I distinctly remember when I was really, really young, just starting school. Or maybe I was like, I'd have been in first or second grade or something. I remember always having a bunch of books because I was so fascinated by books. But then I always felt like I just didn't have, I didn't want to waste my time reading. Because I felt like it just took too long. So, I always had these books. And I was always constantly organizing them on the shelves and stuff. Like constantly. And I remember Casey's mom coming up to me one day, and she was like, "Oh, you must really love to read books, huh?" And I was just like, "Mm hmm." And like, I would get that all the time. People always thought that I love to read. But in reality, I really didn't like to read that much. I had a fascination for books, but it was more of like, I liked the way they looked. And I liked organizing them on shelves. It's so weird. But it wasn't until I think, middle school that I actually really started reading a lot. And I think throughout like... it was when the Twilight series came out.


Meliza Manalo 33:43

That's what made me think of that.


Leah 33:44

Yeah, that's really what like catapulted me into becoming more of a bookworm, I guess you'd say. Because after that for the next couple of years, I read constantly, I would read books all the time. But ever since then, I haven't really. So, I guess that kind of works in some sense. But I don't really ever consider myself an actual bookworm. It's like, I want to read all these books, but I just never actually do it. Or I get through. I'm in the middle of, no joke, five books right now that I get halfway through and then I don't finish them.


Meliza Manalo 34:22

Yeah. Well, the thought process, I guess, behind this statement is that INTJs have a thirst for knowledge. So, the bookworm part is more like wanting or wanting to learn something. That I get, because when I did the Myers-Briggs test, you know how 16 personalities has all the different articles?


Leah 34:46

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 34:47

So, the moment I did the quiz, and I got my results, and I saw that they had different articles, I literally read every single article and it was like two in the morning.


Leah 34:56

Yeah, that's how I was. And I think one thing I read was that we get really kind of obsessive over things. And I think that's what, I think that's one of the things about me is that I'll get really obsessive over something. It'll be a short amount of time, whether that's like a few hours or like maybe a few weeks or even like a few months. I'll be really immersed in one thing. And I'll constantly be thinking about it. Or if it's a project, I'll constantly be working on it. And I always feel like I have to do it all at once. But then, once I feel I've gotten enough of it or something, I just move on to the next thing. Because I want to learn something new.


Meliza Manalo 35:41

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I feel the same way. I mean, I don't have any examples right now I could think of. But I've done that, too.


Leah 35:51

Yeah. And I think it's like, I remember you texted me? This was recently, like, a couple months ago. You said something like, "Good thing, you have a ton of hobbies."


Meliza Manalo 36:03

Oh, yeah.


Leah 36:04

And I think that's why. It's because I keep wanting to learn all these things. And I don't have time for them all. But then I'll do them for a while because I'll get super obsessive over it. And then I'll stop and do the next thing.


Meliza Manalo 36:20

I know. That's what. Like this podcast. I feel like it's gonna keep going just because like, even though it's a podcast, there's so many different things I could learn about or, you know, new topics about. But that's very true with my other projects because I have a lot of hobbies too. Like I did Calligraphy and I do crafts and I tried to pick up watercolor, painting. Just had a bunch of hobbies.


Leah 36:51

I tried some of it too. Because I tried to do watercolor painting and I tried to do calligraphy also.


Meliza Manalo 36:57

Yeah. It's just, you know, it's fascinating how much the human can do, you know? And the creativity part of your brain as well.


Leah 37:10

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 37:11

Like really, yeah. Too much. Too many hobbies. But yeah, so the bookworm thing is just more like thirst for knowledge. Which is true, like I loved. Like, that's the thing I loved about college. What I didn't like about college was doing the work, but I liked learning about stuff.


Leah 37:28

Yeah, I did. I remember actually, I did. When I wanted to be an astronomer, I was constantly getting books from the Library. I totally forgot about that. I was reading a lot of books on space and stuff. So, I guess I could be considered a bookworm. Maybe I just not so much now as an adult, because I just really don't have the time for it. But...


Meliza Manalo 37:50

Yeah, that makes sense.


Leah 37:51

Yeah. And I'm constantly reading things on the internet. Like, this morning, I was trying to get ready for work. But I got distracted about this, or with this article on sunspots. So, I'm sitting there on my bed. I have 10 minutes before I have to leave and I'm reading about sunspots, and I still need to get dressed and whatnot.


Meliza Manalo 38:13

That's funny, because this morning, I was reading about the benefits of running barefoot. (Laughter)


Leah 38:24

Oh my god, such random thing.


Meliza Manalo 38:27

I just saw it. And then I was like, oh. Because I've heard that before, you know, but I never really looked into it. And so, I found that article and it talked about. And I just like... just sat in my bed just reading those articles. And I was like, man, what a good insight. Too bad I don't run. So.... (Laughter)


Leah 38:49

I know. (Laughter)


Meliza Manalo 38:54

Okay, so the next one is that We're cynical people. (Laughter)


Leah 39:00

Yes. 100%. Maybe... Okay, I think it comes off as cynical. But I think we're just being realistic.


Meliza Manalo 39:14

Yeah. Well, so it says you pretty much doubt everyone else but yourself. And that's kind of true, to be honest. Like, I don't know. This makes me sound really bad, but like... not like when it comes... when it comes to certain things, in my head I'm thinking, I know I could do this better, but I need to let you do it.


Leah 39:40

Oh my god. That's the hardest thing about training people.


Meliza Manalo 39:44

Yeah.


Leah 39:45

Because it's weird because I love training. Like I'm the only person really that trains people. Or I should be really the only person that trains people at work and stuff. And it gets so hard sometimes because I'm just so used to being able to do things a certain way. And I want them done a certain way. And I know it'll just be easier and quicker. And I just do them. But I'm like, I have to let you do it. Because you have to learn how to do it. I have to be able to trust you when you're on your own. Because that, oh my God, that scares me so much. The first day, a new trainee is by themselves, it freaks me out. But I'm like, they have to do it. They're more capable than I think usually. Pretty much most of the time. I'm just that over analyzer. Overthinker. Just so nervous. And I just want to do things myself. Because I know, it'll be done a certain way. Not that it'll be done better. It's more of like, I want it done a certain way.


Meliza Manalo 40:53

Yeah. Because usually, our way is a more efficient, streamlined way?


Leah 40:59

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 41:00

And like, that's very true with driving. Oh, my God.


Leah 41:04

I know you complain about Brandon all the time.


Meliza Manalo 41:09

Because Brandon is very, like, go with the flow. Like, he likes the scenic route. And he likes... And that's great and all. But for me, the way my brain works, regardless of whether I have a deadline to me, or like, whatever, I'm always thinking, what is the best and most efficient way to get from point A to point B. And like, it's... this will make me sound weird. But after work, when I used to be at work, I actually do check my Google Maps every day after work to see the traffic. Just to see what's the most efficient way to get somewhere. And then when I moved to this new job, I also mapped out. So, I know three or five different ways how to get home or something like that. I think it's four different ways to get home. So, I know that if there's a... so like, geez... so, when it rains in Sacramento, I know not to use I5, you know. Certain things like that. Like, okay, it's raining, I'm going to use Garden Highway. And then if it's like, and then I know exactly like, if it's past, I think 06:30, then I can use the freeway or something like that. And then in the morning, I know I have to leave by 07:15 to get on the freeway before traffic. But once I reach 07:16 it's too late. I gotta use the other route.


Leah 42:43

Oh, that sounds so funny. I kind of do that too. Because I have two routes going home from work. I mean, now I work at two locations. But when I was just working at one, I did have two routes. And I would decide each day like, okay, which one is going to be faster?


Meliza Manalo 43:02

Mm hmm.


Leah 43:03

What's going on? Like, if the train is coming, I'm going to take this way. Because, oh my God, that is a nightmare. I think you've seen some of my stories on Snapchat on stupid trains.


Meliza Manalo 43:14

Yeah, sitting there.


Leah 43:17

I hate trains. I absolutely hate them. I despise them now living.


Meliza Manalo 43:22

They're just so long.


Leah 43:24

So long and then sometimes they go back and forth, back, and forth. And you're like, wait, when is it going to end? Make up your mind? Why are you going to different directions? I don't understand. And then same thing with the rain because it floods so much here. I know where it's gonna flood and where I need to avoid. Because I don't want to take that extra time to turn around and whatnot.


Meliza Manalo 43:46

Mm hmm. I know. I feel bad being in the car with someone sometimes. Or like, I very much refrain myself from telling people my thoughts. Because I don't want to seem like a know-it-all. You know, like, I don't want to seem pompous or whatever. But there's this one time... like, I love being reassured that I'm right.


Leah 44:12

Yeah.


Meliza Manalo 44:14

Like, there's this one time. So, me and Michael, we used to work at the same building, right? And so, we had a meeting downtown. And so, we had to go from West Sacramento to downtown. And when we left, we both left at the same time. And he asked me which way I was going, I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna use this route." And then he's like, "Oh, you are?" And I was like, "Yep." And then he said, "Okay, well, I was gonna use this other route." And I was like, "Okay." And then in my head, I was like, I'm gonna get there way early than you but good luck. And I got there 15 minutes earlier. (Laughter) Oh, and in my head, I want to say, 'I told you so', so bad.


Leah 44:58

Oh my god. I know. It's one of my many toxic traits is that I really want to tell people 'I told you so'. Okay. I really love being proved right.


Meliza Manalo 45:11

Oh, I love it. But you know.


Leah 45:13

That's such a like, I've seen that so many articles and videos, I've seen that that's a trait of INTJs is that....


Meliza Manalo 45:22

You like being right?


Leah 45:23

You just really love being right. And it's not that we're like...


Meliza Manalo 45:29

Like we have to be right? Or like...


Leah 45:31

Yeah, we're still open minded. It talks about that too in the 16 personalities article.


Meliza Manalo 45:39

Yeah, like we're willing to change if it's more effective.


Leah 45:42

Yes. If it's logical, makes more sense, then yes, you can change my mind. But if I think that this certain specific way is more logical and more efficient, then you cannot change my mind.


Meliza Manalo 45:57

Yeah. And a lot of times, they're validated. You know, we don't just think something is more efficient. We know it is because it's, you know, we've confirmed it.


Leah 46:08

That's the worst when people try to fight you on that. And I'm like, "No! I know it!"


Meliza Manalo 46:12

I know. You know because I tell this sounds bad. I don't know. I'm gonna repeatedly say that this sounds bad, but it's not. But I always tell Brandon, "Life is so much easier if you just listen to me." (Laughter)


Leah 46:31

Oh, my God.


Meliza Manalo 46:33

Cuz it's true.


Leah 46:36

I feel so bad sometimes. Because Fabian will be like, he'll ask me like a question like, "Oh, do you want me to do this?" And then I'll be like, "No, it's alright. It's fine. You don't need to do that." And then he'll go and do it anyway. And I'm like, "Why did you do it? I told you didn't have to do it." And he'll be like, "I just know, it'll be better for both of us if I just do it." That makes me sound terrible. But thank you.


Meliza Manalo 47:03

That's funny. Okay, the next one is 'You don't like roles or tradition.' And for me, this is so true. Because I come from a very religious and traditional Filipino family. And I don't agree with a lot of it.


Leah 47:25

Uh, yeah, I think, there's a couple things I think about this. Because I feel like we can be... I don't know about you, really. But I know, for me, a lot of people think I'm like a rule follower, and I have to follow every rule. And I did find, or I read about this somewhere else too that other people are like, this is like an INTJ thing is that 'We do love rules. But we're also not afraid to break rules if we think that the rule doesn't have a purpose'.


Meliza Manalo 48:02

Yeah.


Leah 48:03

And that's how I've always felt about rules. And people are always like, "Oh, you're such a rule follower. You're a goody two shoes." And I'm like, I mean, yeah, I kind of am. But there are sometimes where, like, if a rule does not make any sense to me, then I won't care about it. I won't.


Meliza Manalo 48:19

Yeah. I hate like, there's a lot of things in... I mean I won't get into religion, but there are a lot of stuff where the explanation is, 'Will you just do it that way?' That's just how it is.


Leah 48:35

That is my biggest pet peeve.


Meliza Manalo 48:38

Uh huh.


Leah 48:38

I hate that. I hate being told, "It's just because that's the way it is." I hate that.


Meliza Manalo 48:44

Yeah. So, in the Philippines, divorce isn't a thing. You can't actually get divorce there. So, my cousin when she moved to America, she legally divorced her husband and married a new guy. But then they retired and moved back to the Philippines. So, in the Philippines, they don't recognize the divorce. So technically, in the Philippines, she's still married to her ex-husband. And then just living with her new husband.


Leah 49:14

Jesus.


Meliza Manalo 49:15

He's just like a roommate or whatever. But it's all like, I mean, they worked it out. The husband transferred their property over to the new guy. And it was very mutual. So, it worked out for them. But like...


Leah 49:28

In other places, it's not always gonna work out.


Meliza Manalo 49:31

Yeah, exactly. And then the reason is because you don't. Like you just don't. Because it's against. I think it's because Catholicism is really big in the Philippines.


Leah 49:43

Yeah. That makes sense.


Meliza Manalo 49:43

And you just don't.


Leah 49:45

I think I feel anytime, it's something like that, it probably has to do with religion or something.


Meliza Manalo 49:53

Mm hmm. It's just weird. I can't conform to certain things. I just don't understand why we can't do a certain thing, just because, I don't know, someone a long time ago said we couldn't, you know? Unless there's some rationality behind it, I'm just gonna do it.


Leah 50:18

Yeah, that's exactly how I feel about it.


Meliza Manalo 50:22

Yeah, that's why at work, or I guess just life in general, I do question things a lot. Because I want to know. Sometimes it sounds like I'm being rude. But I legitimately just want to know the thought process behind it and why I should do it that way. And if it makes sense, then yeah, I'll follow the rules.


Leah 50:43

Oh, yeah. Not that I get into it with people sometimes. But I know a lot of people are very annoyed by me sometimes. Because I'm always asking 'Why?' Like, I have to know. I'm always asking like, "Why? Why is it this way? Why do we have to do it that way?" I just need to know why. Even if it's the simplest, stupidest reason, that I don't really need to know, I just have to know. Like, every little detail, especially if we make plans to go somewhere or do something or whatever. Like, even for something like that, I'm like, "Why? Why are we going there?" "Why did you order that?" I'm always asking why, even though I probably don't need to.


Meliza Manalo 51:37

Yeah.


Leah 51:38

But for me, I just like need to know.


Meliza Manalo 51:42

I think I annoyed Jhoane once. Because the same thing. I think it was at your Bachelorette. And we were playing some type of game and I asked her, "What game is it? What do you do?" And I kept asking her questions.


Leah 52:01

I remember this.


Meliza Manalo 52:02

And she's like, "It's a game." (Laughter) I'm like, "My bad." I was like, "I just want to know if it's a type of game I want to play." And it ended up not being so, you know, worked out for me.


Leah 52:05

Yeah. Probably have to do with the fact that we just constantly need to be prepared for everything.


Meliza Manalo 52:26

Yeah. Which leads to the next one.


Leah 52:29

Oh, really?


Meliza Manalo 52:30

Yeah. Because it says, 'You're always a step ahead.' And it talks about basically, 'You're always ahead of the game, because you have to always maintain control.' It makes us planners, basically. Which is completely true.


Leah 52:43

Oh my god. I know everyone knows me as this super planner, super organized. Like I have to write out every second of my day. I have to have a plan for everything.


Meliza Manalo 52:59

Yeah, and then for the longest time, I don't know if you still do this, but I used to have the, you know, physical planner.


Leah 53:07

Oh, yeah. I buy one every single year. I buy them customized, Mia. I pay $60 for my planners.


Meliza Manalo 53:15

Oh, yeah, me too. I've had different kinds too. Because I've tried out different kinds. Like I've had the 'Erin Condren', I've had the 'Inkwell', the 'Emily Lee', the simplified one. I've had just your basic target one. That one sucked. What else have I had?


Leah 53:32

I actually kind of like the blue-sky target one?


Meliza Manalo 53:37

Well, the one I had was too small.


Leah 53:41

Oh, yeah. I've gone through so many different sizes, trying to figure out which one I like best.


Meliza Manalo 53:45

Mm hmm. Because the small ones, what I ended up doing is just putting a bunch of Post-it notes in it. Because there wasn't enough room for everything.


Leah 53:54

I know.


Meliza Manalo 53:55

So, it sucked. They burnt that one.


Leah 53:57

Yeah, I did the full size one last year. And then I decided to get one that wasn't like the mini planner, but it was like halfway It's like a weird in between size. Maybe like a notebook size, I guess.


Meliza Manalo 54:11

Like an A5?


Leah 54:14

Yeah, I think that's what it is. And it's just like, it's too small now. I can't fit everything I need to fit in there.


Meliza Manalo 54:21

Mm hmm. And I wish I kept my college planner. Because man, that thing was thick. Because I had so much Post-it notes on it. I was just so... It was just so hard, I wanted to forget about it. So, I burned it. (Laughter)


Leah 54:40

I've kept every single one of my planners. Every single one.


Meliza Manalo 54:44

Yeah, I have all mine now. But I was like, man, this is getting too expensive. So, I switched everything to electronic. And I have like... So, I use my Google Calendar. And I put everything on my Google Calendar. I even put like... And it's all color coded. And I even put when I'm going to visit my mom. Because, okay. I don't know if you're gonna like resonate with this, but the reason why I document everything on my Google Calendar, like, where am at? I even put the location and stuff like that, is because if I was ever in a situation...


Leah 55:25

Where you disappeared?


Meliza Manalo 55:27

No. Where someone tried to frame me for murder, I will have an alibi.


Leah 55:31

You'll have an alibi? I think about that too.


Meliza Manalo 55:38

Cuz I'll be like, oh, September 15th? Let me check my calendar. Like, oh, this is where I was.


Leah 55:46

I think about that. Or if I, for some reason got kidnapped or something? Then someone could look at my planner and know exactly where I was at a specific time.


Meliza Manalo 55:59

Yeah, that's a good point, too.


Leah 56:03

Oh, it's so weird.


Meliza Manalo 56:06

Yeah. Think ahead, you know? That's why we're always ahead of the game.


Leah 56:12

Yeah. (Laughter) And that controlling part too of it? As much as I don't want that to be me, I've realized recently, even before I did the Myers-Briggs test, I've begun to realize that I am a bit controlling.


Meliza Manalo 56:31

Oh, yeah.


Leah 56:32

Because, we've had situations where I'll have my day completely planned out. Or Fabian and I will make plans for a day or something. And then one slight difference will make me just go insane. I will freak out. And I've had it happen a couple of times. And I'm like, why is this affecting me so much? It'll be something like, oh, instead of going to dinner at six o'clock, we'll have to go at 06:30. And it'll be something miniscule like that. And I'll just freak out. Like I can't do it. I can't.


Meliza Manalo 57:08

Yes. You just want to shut down.


Leah 57:10

Yeah. And then I'll see on his face. He's like, why are you being so crazy? Like, I don't understand. This isn't like the end of the world.


Meliza Manalo 57:19

It's not a big deal. Yeah.


Leah 57:20

Yeah. And I realized, oh, that's a bit controlling.


Meliza Manalo 57:26

Yeah, I'm trying to work on that.


Leah 57:28

Yeah, me too.


Meliza Manalo 57:30

It's hard.


Leah 57:31

It's hard.


Meliza Manalo 57:33

And because, so I'm trying to be very careful to how I talk to people. For example, when I hang out with Bailey and Casey, sometimes it's hard, because I have a million questions. I want to know what day? What time? Where we're going? What we're doing? Are we driving together? Are we driving separately? Are we meeting at the place? Are we meeting, you know, at someone's house? And like, but I don't want to ask all those questions at the same time.


Leah 58:05

I'm the same way.


Meliza Manalo 58:06

But then when they don't respond right away, or they're like, Well, what do you want to do? Or like, if there's no straight answer, it makes me livid. It's just like, pick an answer.


Leah 58:17

Oh my God, I know. That's why I try. I've learned to not ask people more than one question at a time. Because I've noticed that they don't answer them all.


Meliza Manalo 58:27

Yeah, exactly. Like you can't. You can't put it all in one text.


Leah 58:31

No, they only answer the last question.


Meliza Manalo 58:34

Yeah.


Leah 58:35

It's happened so many times, and it makes me so mad. I'm like, do you not read the text? You did not read the whole thing?


Meliza Manalo 58:43

Apparently, people don't. It's so frustrating.


Leah 58:47

Yeah, I get so mad. I'm like, I shouldn't be this mad.


Meliza Manalo 58:51

Yeah, cuz it's so stupid. It's so trivial, you know? Like, it's not anything to be worth or be mad about. But I think I also want to know right away so I can put it in my planner.


Leah 59:04

Oh, yeah. I hate having half plans made.


Meliza Manalo 59:10

Uh, huh. Like incomplete.


Leah 59:12

Like I know we're going somewhere. But I don't know what time and I hate writing like, 'Oh, we're doing this at *blank*.' I'm like I needed time. I need to put a time in there.


Meliza Manalo 59:24

Yeah. And that's especially hard. Because like... So, the Google Calendar in my like... I think it's the simplified. Or one of the planners I had was time based. I think it's a simplified one. And so, when someone doesn't give me the time, I like freak out.


Leah 59:45

You don't know where to put it.


Meliza Manalo 59:46

Because I'm like, how do I put this in my planner?


Leah 59:48

Yes. That's why actually I've never gone in the planners that have the times on them. Because I'm so afraid of that happening.


Meliza Manalo 59:58

Yeah, it's kind of difficult. I have to put it all day.


Leah 1:00:01

Yeah. Because I know other people aren't as like in it.


Meliza Manalo 1:00:06

Yeah.


Leah 1:00:07

Especially like, Fabian is the complete opposite of me basically, with this kind of stuff. So, I've had to learn. I've had to force myself to learn to not be so crazy about these things, especially when it comes to things that we're doing together. He is very much the type of person where, like, obviously, he's okay with plans changing. And he doesn't try too hard to make things fit in a certain, like timeframe or... I don't know,